Monday, October 4, 2010

insecurities...

Well, I'm afraid to start...but I'm also sick.  It doesn't seem to be a good time to start, but yesterday, when I wasn't sick yet, I knew I was petrified!  So, I'm thinking about why I'm so afraid to start the hcg.  First of all, it's not because I don't think it will work.  I KNOW it will work.  But I think I'm afraid I will do it wrong.  Sadly, I'm probably more prepared than most!  I've read and read and read some more!  I have my hcg, I bought mixing needles and syringes from the farm/feed store(!) and I got some smaller syringes from Walgreens.  I could not get needles from Walgreens-even when I called them "mixing needles" and said they could be quite big.

I've got a scale and a webcam, although the Dear Man can't get it to work on our desktop computer and I will have to work it from here until we get a new desktop.  Maybe today I will pre-weigh my food since my throat is so sore and I can barely swallow... My thoughts aren't coming very clearly either!  I feel like I'm writing more randomly than usual!

There is one more thing I'm worried about.  I just found out (on Thursday) that I have an unresolved gynecological issue.  I don't know if hcg will make it worse...although, for all I know, it will make it better!:)  But it's a worrisome issue and I don't want to mess with it, really.  I also won't want to stop in case I have to have some type of surgery in the midst of everything...ARGH!  That is frustrating me!  I'm scared to start, but I just want to DO IT so that I can find out...

At this point, the best I can do it think about it more, get over this cold, then start it unless I hear otherwise from people about my issue.  I thought I would have started by now...it's even written in my calendar...

Bummer.

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