loading!

So, today is my second loading day!  I can't believe I actually started!!  I've been surprised by some of my thoughts as I begin.  First, I'm realizing that I have some issues about whether or not I DESERVE to do this!  Do I really deserve to lose weight--finally and forever?  Do I deserve to be thin after all the problems I caused the last time I was thin?  Second, what if I don't do it right?  What if I'm one of the ones that has some weird problem that doesn't get figured out for a long time?  What if my body rejects the hcg or it just doesn't work for me?  Mostly, what if I just don't have what it takes...?

But I'm moving forward, in faith.  I'm moving ahead toward my goal and my prize.  I've seen others do it and I am sure I'm supposed to try.:)  I've concluded that if God has brought this to me, He will see me through it.:)

I've thought a lot about this.  I really resonate with Shalom's early vlogs about how she felt God sent this hcg protocol to her.  How she had struggled for years and could not release the weight, but when she found this, she felt it was a gift from her Creator.  I feel that way, too.  The One who created me, knows my needs.  He knows what I've been doing to lose and be healthier.  He knows how disciplined I've been and He knows I'm ready to have some results.  I guess in a way I did have to try those other ways--just to know how/why they don't work.  Reading the protocol, so much of it makes sense because of my previous experiences with losing weight the "traditional" way.

Today will be my first vlog.  I'll post the link.  Last night I joined YouTube, but I was too tired to make the video.  I'm pretty intimidated by that, too.  I don't really want my fat face up there forever, but even if it doesn't motivate anyone else, it will motivate me to keep going!

I hope that the hcg will kick in and I won't feel hungry soon.  I'm pretty surprised that after all that FAT that I ate yesterday, I could still feel hungry this morning!  We're going out to eat this morning, but I'm really, really hungry now.  I took my hcg about 5 minutes ago, though, so I'm waiting.

One thing that's concerning me:  Twice now, I've taken the hcg and almost immediately I started choking!  I sometimes wake in the middle of the night choking and I think my doctor told me it's acid reflux causing that.  I was on meds for it, but I stopped taking them.  (I don't remember why, but every time I start taking it again, I remember why it was and stop again, so I'm just going with that.)  Anyway, why would it happen with hcg?  Maybe it's the B12--which, by the way, tastes like POO.  Colloidal Silver doesn't really have a taste, but the B12 tastes and smells like vitamins-yuck.  But really, it's not because of the taste that all of a sudden something in my throat is choking me!?  I had to swallow it before 5 minutes was up last night--although I did get up to 4 minutes.  This morning I was able to hold it for almost 10 minutes, even though I was choking.  I've figured out a way to cough violently without swallowing!  Pretty good for someone like me that gets grossed out by that mouth stuff.  (I hate to say the word "spit"--ew!!!!  Sorry, it grosses me out, but it's actually the easiest word for me to use about it.  There are some worse ones and I hope I don't have to use them here...)  I thought I was going to have to do injections until I practiced with the CS and found I could do it.:)  When I practiced, I had no problem with choking...Hope I can get this figured out.

I still haven't taken any before pictures, but I actually have some.  I actually have some on Facebook and I NEVER thought I'd EVER post such pictures there, but you know, it's hard to avoid having your picture taken when you're doing such fun and special things.

Also, I'm trying to figure out when/where I might make this blog known.  I would like some input.  It's kind of hard writing a blog that no one reads--it's more of a journal, except then again, it's on the Internet so anyone could read it at any time so it's not like I should write as though no one is reading it!

I just hope I do this right.  If anyone IS reading, PLEASE pray for me!:)